What began as a quick visit to Shop-Rite, the grocery store of little choice, turned quickly into the Gauntlet of People Who Push Carts Slowly in One Direction While Their Heads Are Turned 90 Degrees in Another Direction as If Someone Had Tried to Tear Their Head Off but Couldn’t Finish the Job.

Then, of course, was the famed Woman Dragging Her Cart Behind Her Like Someone Trying to Pull a Beached Whale Back to Sea.

Having deftly managed to avoid grievous bodily harm at the hands of the genome’s practical jokes, I found myself wishing the internet grocery stores hadn’t gone bust…